Chess Extreme 3 5/8 x 60 Torpedo Review

Well, here we are on winter's backside... wait, that didn't sound quite right, but we'll go with it. Heck, we might even talk about backsides more in just a bit. Right now, though, I want to chat a bit about a relatively new cigar on the market: The Chess Extreme Torpedo with a Corojo wrapper.

Speaking of wrappers, that's one good thing about cigars: You can generally count on them to keep their wrappers on. Unlike some folks on this planet. And no, I'm not talking about mid-life crisis moms and dads joining a nudist colony, I'm talking about guys, some who are even pushing my age, who can't keep their trousers up above their asses and underwear.

I know, I shouldn't get my binder all twisted up about some idiot who thinks their waist is below their gluteus maximus, but it irritates me. Why is this any type of fashion trend? I mean, it makes you look like an idiot, it can't be comfortable, and on top of that, you have to hike your pants up every two-seconds. So, what reason could any sane person have for wanting to show off their backsides or their tighty whiteys or their plaid boxers or, God forbid, a thong? To be honest, I'm not sure, so let's take the time to smoke a cigar while we think about it.

The Chess Extreme Torpedo is a compact little rocket. This particular model sports a semi-oily Corojo wrapper and to be honest, it looks a lot like the NUB Habano. However, when you take a closer look, you'll notice some differences (aside from the band's brightly colored red and yellow checked pattern and gold print logo). I received this particular gordo sized torp as a gift from my friend John Crabtree. He simply asked that I review it and let Willis Cabrera know about the review. In a later post, I'll have an interview with Willis, who is the marketing guru for Chess Cigars.

At the foot, the tobacco looks densely packed, the cigar is firm to the touch and has a good feel when I give it a slight squeeze. There are some slight wrinkles in the cap and around the head and shoulder area, but it's not something that will affect the taste or even cause the wrapper to unravel when I clip the cap. Overall, the construction is decent. I'd give it three out of five puffs.

From what I've been able to dig up on this particular cigar, the binder and filler are both Dominican. One of the most exciting things I notice right off is the smell of honey at the foot of the cigar. We're not talking about a nuance, or a slight scent, it's full on honey and it smells really good. Since I've never had a cigar with such a strong aroma of honey, I'm really looking forward to torching it to see if that comes through as a flavor. I should also get some spicy flavors with this cigar since the wrapper is listed as Corojo.

Cold draw has the earthy tobacco flavors you'd expect, some hint of honey, but other than that, not a lot is coming through. So, let's torch it and see what happens.

My initial puffs only have that hint of honey that I tasted on the cold draw. It's very mild and the flavors are incredibly subdued. I don't have a cold, so I'm pretty sure my palate's okay. Through the first third, the mildness continues, which surprises me because this stick is listed as full-bodied. To me, that signifies that it should have some major flavor profiles, but unfortunately, I'm not getting much of anything. Just to test things out, I do a retrohale and the flavors are still subdued. No pepper, no spice, just easy-going tobacco and smoke.

As I work into the second third, I noticed slight bitterness, but nothing that indicates trouble down the line. The stick is working itself into an uneven burn, which surprises me. I've had it at solid 67% rH and the temp has been good for a number of weeks.

Okay, so the flavors are subdued, but what flavors am I getting in general, you may ask. Well, there's a bit of burnt grass/green grass and caramel. And that's really about it. I do want to give kudos for the smoke being mild and not harsh. The stick has a dense ash. In fact, I had this one down to the nub and didn't lose the ash until I had about 1/2" left to smoke. Then I lapped it, of course.

Speaking of ash, let's get back to our conversation about low-slung trousers. Now don't get me wrong, I'm all about hipsters on the ladies. I enjoy the fact that some women seem to like displaying their goods for the world to see. I think it even serves a purpose, it shows that they like living a bit on the wild side, and I'm sure the single guys pick up on that then pick up on them. So that works out nicely.

But, low-riders on a guy? I just don't get it. Do women find it sexy? I mean, I've heard rumors that this trend started in prisons to let fellow inmates know that you're ready to get a bit randy. I actually even thought that rumor was kind of funny. However, turns out it's not true. I snoped it and we all know snopes.com knows everything.

I will say this much, when I see a dude strolling down the street or in a store with his pants dragging, I always start singing that song "Ya look like a fool with your pants on the ground" and the great thing is, it doesn't matter how big the guy is or how tough he looks, I always know I can run faster because it's hard to run with your pants hangin' down like that. But I digress. Let's finish this stogie.

Through the second third, I did get some toast flavors, and finally, a slight hint of chili pepper. Throughout the rest of the cigar, I got the same flavor profile with more prominent caramel and some cream. There was never a point during this cigar when it was harsh and the overall strength seemed to be on the mild side.

I have to say, I truly appreciate a gifted cigar and I love doing reviews. I'll go back to this stogie in a few months and smoke another one and see if things remain the same. It's probably not a stick that I'll smoke often, but if the price is right and you don't want to buy a Nub, this may be the cigar for you. I'd at least give it a try and give a shout out to Willis and the gang at Chess Cigars, they're a great bunch and I think it's important that we support these guys that are just starting out.

I'm going to give this stogie a 3 out of 5 puffs at this time.

And as a suggestion for what to do when you have to deal with guys that walk around with their pants on the ground, put a cigar in one hand and a beer in the other, then their pants will fall down and you'll get a good laugh.

That's all for now.

My Personal Top 10 of 2011

Cigar Aficionado released their top 25, and I didn't really agree with all of it. Other blogs and sites have dropped their top 10 into the ether, and some are somewhat agreeable with me, and some not so much. So, I've decided that I'll do my own personal top 10 and y'all can not agree with it, too. Why? Because taste is subjective. I'll also include my top 10 pints and maybe a list of a few sticks and brews that just didn't quite do it for me.

10) Gran Habano Vintage 2002 Robusto - This is a solid cigar. It has medium body and the flavor profile is nutty and butter-creamy. It's consistent every time I smoke it and I love the price point. You can generally find mazos of 20 of the Gran Habano for around $20. That's a $1 per stick for a great smoke! Buy it, let it rest for 6 mo., and smoke it again and again. You're welcome.

9) Rocky Patel Vintage 1992 "The Sixty" - This cigar is gorgeous. It's rolled really well and the burn is consistent from one to the next. I love the nutty caramel flavors of this cigar and how smooth it is. Voluminous smoke and a great size.

8) Ron Stacy Signature Corona by Sultan Cigars - It's pretty cool actually knowing the guy behind the name of a particular cigar. It's even more cool when he's one of the most generous people you've ever met. This cigar has a great flavor profile. Pipe tobacco, citrus twang, smoked meat, and pepper all in a corona size. It's a beautiful cigar and tastes amazing.







7) Nub 464T Habano - Love the Habano wrapper. This is a great smoke and for its size, it really hits the sweet spot. Caramel and toasted almonds are the dominant flavors. Good volumes of smoke and surprisingly takes quite awhile to smoke one.

6) Liga Privada Feral Flying Pig - This cigar is good. I smoked one ROTT, which was probably a mistake, because there was a lingering astringent flavor right on the head, but getting past that, the smoke was really amazing. It's very strong, so don't smoke it on an empty stomach. The other two I have will rest for a few months, then I'll give it another try, but what I tasted was amazing. Definitely smoked meat and toasted caramel. I'm putting it at 6 because it was able to overcome the astringent flavor with the good flavors it puts out.



5) Liga Privada Flying Pig T52 - I really enjoy this smoke. Has a stronger profile than the 9 (standard LP9. I haven't had an FPno.9 yet). The T52 tobacco is very good, and the wrapper on this thing almost shines. Heavy dark flavors, like rum and smoked meat are complemented by a good straight burn.







4) Liga Undercrown - What a great new cigar this year. I was really pleased to get my hands on these. They aren't the Liga Privada, and that's perfectly okay. They're an amazingly good cigar in their own right and have a good price point. Rich velvety flavors, dark chocolate, caramel, earthiness, and volumes of smoke. I could smoke these every day.

3) Partagas Black Label Gigante - I love the size, I love the flavors, and I love the strength. A box of these is $99 on most online outlets, so it's roughly $5 per stick. But this is one stick that I always go back to when I want rich earthy flavors, heavy peanut, and dark roasted yummy and the 6 x 60 size rocks.

2) Partagas Short - (CC) - Packs power and flavor into a small package. Well rolled, consistent burn and incredibly tasty. If you're looking for twang, you'll find it here.










1) Liga Privada No. 9 Robusto - I can't say enough about this cigar. Of course, I've already said it in my review, anyway. It's stellar, and it's one of the best. I want more and so should you.











Honorable Mentions: Acid Kuba Kuba Maduro, Arturo Fuente Short Story Maduro, My Uzi Weighs a Ton 7 x 60, Panacea 760, Tatuaje Regios, and the Liga Privada Dirty Rat.

Now, I know you've all been waiting for this. What follows are the dog rockets that I actually find unsmokable. I know it'll probably piss someone off, or maybe even a lot of you, but taste is subjective. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

5) La Aroma di Cuba Mi Amor - I know there are a lot of people who love this cigar. I don't know if I did something wrong when I lit it or if it just wasn't ready, but I tried to get through half of it and it was unbearably harsh and tasted horrible. I may try this one again at some point because I've seen so many great reviews of it, that I just can't completely discount it.

4) VS Bamboo 6 x 60 - These aren't quite unsmokable, but they just don't taste good at all. Not a lot of flavor and they actually smell like stale cigar while you're smoking them. Makes me wonder if they aren't actually made of bamboo.

3) Mosaica Churchill Maduro - Why do these cigars cost $19.95 for a mazo of 20? I have no clue, because you shouldn't pay more than a nickel per stick. These are the original 5-cent cigars, and they're not really worth every penny. However, they would make great compost.

2) Fonseca Arana Corona - So, I lit this one up thinking that maybe it could be one of my everyday el cheapos. However, I'm not interested in sitting around smoking dog turds on a daily basis, and here's the deal, they taste like burning dog turds. I realize that I can't speak from direct experience on this, but it's as close as I hope I'll ever come. Perhaps they should just be left in their toilet-paper like sheaths.

1) Vudu - Dear God, I will never smoke again. Okay, well, that's not true, but I came pretty close after trying to get through this one. I have a few in my cooli for anyone who might want to trade something of equal value that I might like. However, I wouldn't wish these on anyone. Light it up, take a puff, and you'll swear you're smoking a habanero pepper. The flavor profile starts out with a blast of habanero, then the habanero kicks in. After the first third, the habanero comes through, with notes of habanero. This one is my number one pick for habanero dog rocket of the decade.

Too Cold to Smoke

So, what do you do when it's too flippin' cold to smoke and you don't have your own personal air filtered man cave?

For me, I do a couple of different things. The first thing I do is wait and value the warm days. If there's a warm day, I'm smokin'. If there are two warm days in a row, I'll do my damndest to smoke both days, even if my lovely wife gives me "the look." The thing is, in the midwest, during 9-months of winter, warm days are valuable. So, when I get one, I do crap like put up Christmas lights. I get to hang out on the roof, spark a stogie, and accomplish something. Same thing happens in January. Christmas is over, warm day hits, I'm back up on the roof taking lights down, tooling around outside taking my sweet time with the other decorations just so I can get through a good hour and a half smoke.

The second thing I do is a bit more of a PItA. I'll put on my coat, grab a stick, lighter and cutter, and torch it. Then I'll set it on my miniature stinky and head in for a minute or two. Then it's a matter of treating my house like an expensive hooker. In and out, in and out, in and out, and in and out until I'm finished. Only difference is, I go back in and stay in for the rest of the day and it takes longer than six-minutes. Okay, I know, I just joked around at my own expense. But if you laughed, it was worth it.

So, those are my options for smoking during the winter months, but here's the thing: It's not always that easy. A lot of times, the cold presents way more issues for smoking a premium cigar than just keeping your own ass warm.

One issue that I've run into is how the cold affects the burn. I've run into issues with cigars that I know are stars when it comes to burn. In fact, one colder than a witch's tit day, I had a Liga Privada #9 Robusto, which always burns like a champ for me, and the damn burn was as crooked as Bernie Madoff.

So, why is that? Well, there are probably several factors, but I think it really boils down to how the cold temps affect the wrapper and whether or not it sucks out or imparts any humidity. I think about it like condensation on a glass surface. You've got something that's perfectly stable (your cigar at 67% RH and stable temp), which is introduced to an extreme change in temperature, plus the heat of the burn. I can only guess that this probably causes the burn to change from what it would normally be.

Another issue that I've run into is a cigar just not wanting to stay lit. Again, I think it comes from the extreme change in temp. I also think wind has a negative affect on the burn. This seems to be a situation where keeping your ash on for as long as possible comes in handy. I think that it insulates the cherry and helps the burn stay more stable.

Other than coping with these issues, smoking during the winter months can be kind of fun. Crisp air rouging up your cheeks, hot coffee, and a good cigar while standing out on your deck while the world is silent under a blanket of snow. You just can't trade that for anything. Except maybe retirement in Florida where everyone freezes their asses off when the temp gets down to 60°F.

That's all for now. Long ashes...